Major Rules for Dieting
posted 6-May-2019  ·  
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If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.

Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories.



“Doctor, I have a bad headache.”

2000 B.C. -  “Here, eat this compound of root.”

100 A.D. - “Don’t dare touch that root. It is the tool of the devil. Say this prayer.”

1850 A.D. - “That prayer is pure superstition, drink this potion.”

1940 A.D. - “Believe me, that potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”

1975 A.D. - “That pill is ineffective, you must take this antibiotic.”

2000 A.D. - “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this compound of root!”

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