posted 10-Sep-2019  ·  
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Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Jesus loves  you… everyone else thinks you’re a jerk.

Out of my mind. Back  in five minutes.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

Lord save me from your followers.

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every  minute of it.

Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Don’t take your life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

Horn broken, watch for fist.

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