In-Flight Announcements
posted 28-Oct-2019  ·  
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“To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt. If you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this aeroplane.”

When a plane finally came to a halt, “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

“Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride,.”

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms, a flight attendant announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck, everything has shifted.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling, Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting theirs. If you are travelling with more than one child, then pick your favorite.”

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